When a Misunderstanding Almost Turned Dangerous | The Restoreth Stories
Real Stories. Deeper Insights. Stronger Relationships.
The Story
There are some lessons you never forget because you walked through them yourself.
Back in February 2006, I was on the road with our ministry team through Ghana, Ivory Coast, and Nigeria. On that trip, God used a moment I never saw coming to show me how quickly a simple misunderstanding can turn into something dangerous.
One afternoon, as we drove through Nigeria, Wanda, one of our team members, spotted a beautiful tree standing all by itself in the distance. She was so taken by it that she grabbed her camera and snapped a picture.
None of us thought anything of it at the time.
Little did we know, before she took the pictures, that our van had slowed down to pass through a large crater in the road. Suddenly, people began surrounding the vehicle.
Many of them were carrying large branches and shouting very loudly in another language we couldn’t understand.
Although we didn't know the words they were saying, their expressions, gestures, and voices made one thing very clear.
They were angry. We understood that!
A local brother who was traveling with us quickly explained what was going on.
The crowd believed someone inside our van had taken pictures of them without permission and now owed them money.
Only then did we realize many of the people surrounding us were individuals living with leprosy who had been rejected and isolated from their communities.
But the truth was simple. Wanda had not taken a picture of them at all and only photographed the tree. But from where they stood, it looked like something else entirely.
One man hit the back of our van with a big branch, and our local driver got upset. He stepped out of the van and left the door open as he went to confront the crowd. Things escalated even more, and the tension grew. For a moment, we all felt exposed and knew we were in real danger. Thankfully, everything calmed down, and we were able to leave safely.
I have never forgotten that day.
It all started with one misunderstanding.
One assumption.
Two very different realities.
What started as a peaceful drive almost turned into something much worse.
Structural Principle
People rarely respond to our intentions.
They respond to what they understood.
One of the biggest reasons we run into trouble in relationships is when we assume that what we meant is the same as what the other person heard.
Most times, it is not.
Each of us sees things through our own history, feelings, expectations, and point of view.
When those things are different, misunderstanding can grow quickly.
Biblical Principle
The Bible reminds us that a wise person seeks to understand before reacting.
"He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him."
Proverbs 18:13
How many arguments could we avoid if we just took a moment to understand before we responded?
Most disagreements are not about the facts, but about the assumptions we make.
Restoreth Insight
At Restoreth, we often say:
People do not react to what you meant. They react to what they understood.
That is why developing a shared relationship language is so important.
When couples learn to slow down, clarify meaning, and understand each other's perspective, assumptions begin to lose their power.
Understanding takes the place of guessing.
Clarity takes the place of confusion.
Trust begins to grow in that space.
Reflection
Take a moment and think about a recent disagreement you had.
- What assumption did you make in that moment?
- Did you react to what was actually said, or to what you thought was meant?
- How often do you ask for clarity before you decide what is true?
- What might change if your first response was to understand, instead of to assume?
Key Takeaway
Assumptions are one of the quickest ways to stir up trouble that does not need to be there.
Healthy relationships are built when we learn to pause, seek understanding, and make sure we are clear before we react.
Most conflicts are not caused by bad intentions.
They are caused by intentions that were misunderstood.
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About the Founders
Tajiri and Christine Winesberry are the founders of Restoreth™, dedicated to helping individuals, couples, marriages, leaders, and families build stronger relationships through structure, shared language, practical wisdom, and biblical principles.
Together, they developed the Restoreth Framework, including the Four Tires, Pitstop, 5R Repair Cycle, and the Relationship Readiness System, to help people move beyond assumptions, strengthen what pressure reveals, and build relationships that can stand the test of time.