Learning to Understand Each Other | The Restoreth Stories
Real Stories. Deeper Insights. Stronger Relationships.
The Story
I have found that some of the best lessons about relationships do not come from books or seminars. They come from the everyday moments God puts in front of us.
Being married to Christine, whose family is Filipino, has taught me a lot about how we communicate, how we try to understand each other, and yes, how we sometimes misunderstand each other, even when we love each other more than words could ever tell.
I was born and raised in Daly City, California, known throughout the Bay Area as Little Manila because of its large Filipino community. Although I grew up around Filipino culture, marrying Christine introduced me to a whole new world. Tagalog became part of everyday life through family gatherings, phone conversations, and even simple trips to the store, in this story, the local Dollar Tree.
One evening, Christine asked me to stop by Dollar Tree just before they closed, maybe about one minute before closing. As I walked to the register, several Filipino employees were talking together in Tagalog. I didn’t understand a single word they were saying, but from their expressions and the way they occasionally glanced toward me, I became convinced they were talking about me.
When I reached the register, I smiled and simply said, “Salamat.” Which means “Thank you” in Tagalog. Right away, their faces changed. They got quiet and looked at me like they were trying to figure out just how much I really understood.
The truth is, I did not understand one word of what they had been saying.
But just saying that one word changed the way they saw me.
Over the years, I have seen the same thing with Christine’s family. They often speak Tagalog together. I do not usually know what the words mean, but I have learned to pay attention to something deeper. I watch Christine’s smile, listen to her voice, notice her expressions, and even the timing of what she says.
Sometimes I think that after being with Christine all these years, I could probably teach a class called Christine 101 and she could teach one too, called Tajiri 101.
That realization taught me something I will never forget. Relationships speak many languages besides words. Sometimes people speak through facial expressions, actions, silence, timing, and many times through what they never say.
That is why two people can both be speaking English and still feel like they are speaking completely different languages. I remember that about 25 years ago, at work, a bilingual supervisor was trying to explain something to someone who just couldn’t understand. I was standing next to them when she turned to me and asked, with all sincerity, “Am I speaking English?” She was speaking english, but the person still could not understand what she was saying.
Structural Principle
Healthy communication begins long before we ever say a word.
A lot of people think communication is just talking.
It isn’t.
Communication really starts with learning.
Before we can understand what someone is saying, we have to become a student of the person who is speaking. Just like they say, the first rule of public speaking is to know your audience.
Strong relationships are built when two people keep learning each other’s language, not just each other’s words.
Biblical Principle
The Bible teaches us again and again that understanding is something we should go after.
“Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding.”
Proverbs 4:7
God does not tell us to just collect information.
He tells us to seek understanding.
Understanding is what lets us use wisdom in real life.
Without understanding, people can hear the same words but walk away thinking two different things.
Restoreth Insight
At Restoreth, we believe that every healthy relationship develops a shared relationship language.
When couples do not have a shared language, assumptions start to take the place of real understanding.
Misunderstandings become more frequent.
Frustration grows.
When life gets hard, it shows what was never really built between us.
But when couples intentionally develop a shared relationship language, something changes.
They stop trying to win arguments or prove a point.
They start trying to really understand each other.
When we share a language, we share understanding.
When we share understanding, we find unity.
Unity is what lets us build together.
Reflection
Take a moment and think about your own relationships.
- Have you ever believed you understood someone, only to discover later that you misunderstood their meaning?
- Where do misunderstandings happen most often in your relationship?
- Are you working harder to be understood, or are you working harder to understand?
- What might change if both of you took time to learn each other’s language, instead of just trading words back and forth?
Key Takeaway
Every healthy relationship grows its own language.
The stronger that shared language gets, the stronger your relationship will be.
Understanding does not just happen on its own.
It is something we build together, on purpose.
Continue Your Restoreth Journey
If this story gave you a new perspective, take the next step in your relationship journey.
Take the Free Structural Relationship Assessment
Discover the strengths and weak areas within your relationship structure.
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Learn a practical tool that helps couples pause, understand one another, and get back on track.
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Be the first to receive updates about Restoreth’s Relationship Readiness System, designed to help couples prepare for marriage with greater clarity, confidence, and intention.
About the Founders
Tajiri and Christine Winesberry are the founders of Restoreth™, dedicated to helping individuals, couples, marriages, leaders, and families build stronger relationships through structure, shared language, practical wisdom, and biblical principles.
Together, they developed the Restoreth Framework, including the Four Tires, Pitstop, 5R Repair Cycle, and the Relationship Readiness System, to help people move beyond assumptions, strengthen what pressure reveals, and build relationships that can stand the test of time.